STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
