so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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