i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
