You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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