I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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