ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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