im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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