What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
