It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
