That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
