btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
50% drunk capacity currently
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
