five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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