I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
