then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
