You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
