is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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