It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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