we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
