I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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