Only a mothe r could love this liver
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
