Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
did you just send me my own nude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
