I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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