I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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