is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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