true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
