He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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