first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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