I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
