It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
