there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
