You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
