if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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