some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
