Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
