So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
