If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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