I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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