You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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