Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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