...so i touched it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
