I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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