OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
