can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You need a sexual gate keeper
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
