i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
