it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
