Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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