apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
