I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
