he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
