Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
