Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
