6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
