Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
vagina is talking i cant
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
