Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
