I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
