Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ok first of all what the fuck
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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